This past spring I took an amazing course called Dynamics of Biblical Change. Through taking this course, God brought some fear-of-man issues to the surface, which I was and am so thankful to get out on the table. Through taking that course, a small part of me believed that once I finished the class, my fear-of-man issues would be no more. Kapoof! What a joke! I am reminded of David Powlison's words saying that life is a battle. I may be struggling with this fear-of-man issue for year and years! And I was reminded of that today, when I had to talk about myself to a small group of people. I wanted to sound good. I felt my face get red. I also said "sooooooooo" an "ummmmmm" a lot. I'm not sure if anyone noticed my insecure mannerisms (I hope not for my own selfish sake!), but I certainly did. And I didn't like it.
Caring about man's opinion over God's opinion of me is such a thing for me. When will God's perfectly accepting love for me be enough?! Why must my image be my own idol! It makes me mad.
Luckily, I am ok, even while my face is turning red and I overly think my responses and reactions. God loves me through it all! God gave me grace! God forgives me!
If only I could convince you how wonderfully wonderful you are without even having to try... You are, you know.
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